Previously on the search for a better man

You’ve done me no good

I should thank my lucky stars I only spent 3 years on you

I was once helpless without you

And now I feel like I’ve lost half my life trying to play checkers when I should’ve been playing chess

I should be less stressed

Now I wreak of your stupidity

If only I had never met you

But my mother said that if I didn’t find a man by 27 I’d be a cat lady soon after

Well guess what?

She was right

I have 3 cats now

One for each year you took from me

The first, her name is ‘Benevolence’

I was impressed by your supposed generosity when we first met

Taking me out for extravagant dinners and the like

Soon after I got her I got another cat

And her name is ‘Suspicion’

I should’ve known it was you with that co-worker

But I was too blinded by the fact that you said

What was it you said?

Oh yes- “I’m just too busy baby.”

And the 3rd cat

Well she’s my favourite

Her spirit reminds me of the person I ought to be and therefore hI named her 

‘Amnesia’

Because that is how much I long to forget about you

I have 3 cats now

I said 3

One for each year you took from me

You’ve stolen my youth

And yet I will grow in spite of you

I do not pray for your downfall

But I hope that heaven has a reserved section for idiots like you.

Link to the Italian version