If forgiveness had a formula
I would pursue a whole course just to master it.
It’s not that I’m in love with the whole concept of forgiveness
But I need to learn it and become it.
See I’ve been searching for forgiveness for a while
Singing praises and turning my life into worship just so I can obtain it.
I have been tithing and fasting just so I can express how sorry I am
so that forgiveness would visit me and want to stay.
Little did I know that forgiveness is free
It does not demand any payment or a sacrifice but it simply demands itself.
A very simple concept, forgive and you will be forgiven.
Because how can you crave for something that you’ve never tasted before.
See I loved the idea of being forgiven
I admired the sound of God’s mercy being upon me but I never imagined myself being the one to forgive.
The one to be hanged on the cross and be crucified for my own goodness.
The one to bear all the pain from people who intentionally hurt me but still have to look them in the eyes with a heart full of love.
I had never put myself in the shoes of the one I was expecting to gain forgiveness from.
Instead I had reflected the opposite, I carried a heart full of bitterness and fed on the scenes of revenge that I spent decades plotting against my enemies.
I was gaining weight on all the hate that I felt yet I was still hungry for a peaceful mind of state.
I would sleep with the sound of pain playing in the back of my head like a never ending lullaby.
I would drain myself in sorrow and grieve at the ocean of self pity I was swimming in
But still I was seeking for forgiveness
For I thought maybe it was the sound of my own sin that attracted men who knew nothing but to tear me apart and run.
So I thought maybe, just maybe if I could plead enough mercy will respond to my grieving and wipe all my tears away.
But rules are rules
So I had to turn back the pages
Revisit the old letters that I felt were too odd to make it in the story.
One by one I had to reshape
I had to turn them around and look at them in a different perspective
Well the only perspective
If I, unworthy and undeserving as I am
Could be forgiven and granted eternal life
Who am I not to forgive.
Who are they not to be forgiven.
Link to the Italian version